I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.

I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay.

I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. Rush Limbaugh, 'I hope the country fails' - I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? ... He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.