Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. I hope his kidneys fail.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

I'm really funny now.

My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.

We got to stop doing that, ladies. You know, men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.