I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!