The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.

The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.

Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.

Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don't have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.

My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.