The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.

I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.

The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.