Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.

Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.

I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.

Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.