The Earthworm plows the whole world with his tunnels, drains and aerates the earth… If you ever buy any land, be sure it has plenty of Earthworms toiling and moiling all day so that you can sit down and relax.

Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.

It is because of his brain that he [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.

The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.

Orangutans teach us that looks are not everything-but warned near it.

The trouble with the dictionary is that you have to know how a word is spelled before you can look it up to see how it is spelled.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.