It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.

Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.

I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

As Darwin puts it in The Descent of Man, 'Male snakes, though appearing so sluggish, are amorous.' Isn't that just like Darwin? It was one of his main ideas, you know, that the males of almost all animals have stronger passions than the females. Since then we've learned a thing or two. At any rate, the female snake is right there when spring arrives in the woods.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.