I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.

The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.

Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.