You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.