You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.