You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car.

It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.