When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.

In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.