The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.