It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.