It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars

Budget cuts if you're not rich, tax cuts if you are. Less money for those who don't have any and more to those who do. That's how President Fredo says we're going to get out of the giant deficit hole he's dug. You can't put it any more simply. Rich people richer. Poor people poorer.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.