In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars

President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.

The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.