Voters want a fraud they can believe in.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.