Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

Members of the Senate and House, if they want to send troops into war, should be forced to send a family member. That would really make everyone stop and go, 'Ohhh-kaaay.'

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

I think people don't understand that comedy is an outlet for me. Comedy allows me to get outside of myself, and exercise this thing that is still kind of scary to me.

I still regret that I never played soccer in high school. I chose basketball over soccer.

I've never been a conceited person or cocky, never felt boastful, but I always had a sense of self-worth; I always had a real sense of myself.

I'm professional, I'm allowed to say this. I let him lick my balls. So, that's what you need to get close with your animal.