In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

Our country has plenty of five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

That's the trouble with our charities; we are always saving somebody away off, when the fellow next to us ain't eating.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.