I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.

Our country has plenty of five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.