It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it's the return of my investment

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

The budget is like a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, then reaches in and tries to pull real ones out.

I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.