When a fellow ain't got much mind, it don't take him long to make it up.

America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

Invest in inflation. It is the only thing going up.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.