The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

If you are trying to get out of the hole, stop digging.

You know, women always could endure more than men. Not only physically, but mentally - did you ever get a peek at some of the husbands?

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.