Politicians are just a bunch of local bandits, sent by their local voters to raid the public treasury.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Conferences are just like the poor and the Democrats, they will always be with us.

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It's the surest barometer in the world.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business.