America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

The French couldn't hate us any more unless we helped 'em out in another war.

People learn more from observation that they do from conversation.