America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

People should be more concerned with the return of their principal than the return on their principal.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. You couldn't get the English to fix anything at the start. No! They like to sit and watch it grow worse. Then, when it just looks like the whole thing has gone up Salt Creek, why, the English jump in and rescue it.