The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.

American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

If you let women have their way, you will generally get even with them in the end.

Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.