Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned.

On prohibiting anybody from learning anything: Why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

If a man ain't nothin' else, then he's an artist. It's the only thing he can claim to be that nobody can prove he ain't.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.