I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.

People think I'm an artist because my films lose money.

I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.

I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.

Everybody knows how awful the world is and what a terrible situation it is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things. Some people distort it with sports, with money, with love, with art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way.