Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.

When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.