Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.

Death is an acquired trait.

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.

The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!