You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.

The less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself.