Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.