But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!

I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.

I have great faith in the actors. When they improvise, it always sounds better than the stuff I write in my bedroom. When they improvise, they make it sound alive.

Of all human weakness obsession is the most dangerous. And the silliest.