I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.