Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.

They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

90% of success in life is showing up

Existence for eternity could get a little boring... especially towards the end.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.