The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.

I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want

I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.