Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever.

Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.

Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?