I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.

I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't get antibiotics. You don't get the things that you are used to now, cell phones and televisions and things that are very convenient. You don't want that. But, it would be fun if you could, every now and then, just meet a friend for lunch at Maxim's in Paris in 1900, or go back to 1870 just for a couple of hours, take a walk in the park, and then come right back to Broadway.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.