She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.

If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.

My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.

When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.

Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." — "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists