I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.

The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.