If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.