My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one

I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.