The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

God is either cruel or incompetent.

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.

In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.