Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.

Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.

Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.

I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.