We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.