In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

Never having alone time is real tough on people.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.