Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

Never having alone time is real tough on people.

If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!