In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.

I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.

After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.