Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.

In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original.