In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.

Never having alone time is real tough on people.