I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

If love is the treasure, laughter is the key.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.

After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.

I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.