I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

Never having alone time is real tough on people.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.