I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.

When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.

I mean, what's eleven million people now days?

The fact that 'Scrubs' is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I'm helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.