I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.

Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.

I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.